Welcome friend. Having read the title of this blog you may have prematurely concluded that its contents may include some or all of the following:
- Uninformed feminist ranting
- Baseless pretentiousness
- The sour transcription of an over-ripe virgin’s sexual frustration
- Shameless sympathy mongering/ Attention seeking
- Fantasy/ Adventure fiction featuring lesbian warriors
- Morally better-than-thou self righteous attitude problem
- Man hating
- Bad taste
- A funny smell
Well, fear not the iron hymen. She is a mild and serene beast who seeks not to offend, and could only hope to possess the character or skill to achieve any of the above anyway. Fortunately it is not a neurotic preoccupation with her sexual status that spurs her to publicly display this inane drivel on the internet. Nay, Iron Hymen is but a trifling epithet bestowed to her by friends of unparalleled wit and intelligence as each of them has managed to pork or be porked in the syrupy ocean of affection and genitalia surrounding us all. She is the final bastion of take-it-or-leave-it carnal indifference. For now she remains sitting cross-legged upon her solitary desert isle amongst the ebb and flow of potential mates, peacefully observing their strange and wonderful frenzy as she constructs phallic deities from sand and weeps bitterly in the heat.
Just kidding. For the most part, Iron Hymen is content to be a detached observer, free from the faux-emotional confusion of Eros, trying (mostly unsuccessfully) to learn what she can of the world before contemplating the great and difficult mystery of physical and spiritual unity. However, her doctrine is not a concrete one. Celibacy would categorically deny encounters with a great variety of experiences, and, unsure about the likelihood of an afterlife, Iron Hymen does not wish to hinder any potential aspect of her (possibly) limited existence.
So, all things considered, it is not on my agenda to write consciously through the lens of a virgin, in fact, the thought gives me phantom ball ache. Let The Order of the Iron Hymen be merely a familiar and witheringly un-humorous reference for the comic gratification of a couple of good friends. The real purpose of this blog will be: a) To elaborate on thoughts I am too slow to pursue in conversation, b) To say the things I am too afraid to say for fear of being interrupted and becoming confused, c) To obtain non-threatening feedback on my writing from friends rather than academics.
My tutors keep saying that I need to stop over-complicating my sentences and trying to be a smart ass. So I will make it a feature of every post to summarise in thirty words or less the gist of what I was getting at.
*IT’S MY FIRST TIME BLOGGING SO I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO EXCUSE MYSELF FOR EVERYTHING BECAUSE YOU ARE AN ANONYMOUS JUDGE AND THERE ARE NO CHANCES FOR REDEMPTION*
